New law in California allows good samaritans to break car windows to save animals in danger of overheating without fear of getting in trouble. I can't wait to get out there, smash some windows and save some car stereos... I mean dogs. Car dogs.
German pharmaceutical giant Bayer has agreed to buy insect-repellent and government-mind-control producer Monsanto for SIXTY-SIX BILLION dollars. The sale was originally supposed to include an extra six hundred million dollars, but both companies agreed that the price of $66,600,000,000 was too cartoonishly evil, even for Monsanto.
Brown University has started a new program where tampons will be provided free of charge in all bathrooms on campus, including the men's room. It's always nice to see people coming together to support a beautiful cause. Everyone should have access to hygiene products to soak in vodka and shove up their butts!